Suicide by Fried Rice

So, yet again, I tried to kill myself. This time I attempted death by food poisoning, not death by fire. Sorry, that’s a bad joke.

After seeing a clip from Food Inc. and The Cove during the Oscars on Sunday, I was seriously toying with being a vegetarian. I got home and decided to make vegetable fried rice a la Trader Joe’s. Now, a little back story. I SUCK at making white rice. I am a pretty darn good cook, but somehow, rice is beyond me. Tuesday, I got lucky. Followed the ex-boyfriends advice (he made fabulous rice!) and it turned out...OK... I was so proud. I had just watched America’s Test Kitchen make stir fry and (1) made sure my pan was smokin’ hot (2) sauteed onions and more mushrooms (3) stir fried the frozen veggies in batches so as not to steam them (4) cooled my rice before frying it. All was on track to be a tasty meal.

Sometime between dinner Tuesday night and waking up Wednesday morning, my digestive track staged a mutiny. Oye vey.

Later that morning, after I composed myself, I called Mom to whine. Then I posted on facebook that I was sick. I toyed with setting up an out of office email explaining that I was dying. There is something about being sick that turns me a pathetic whiney human being. I want sympathy. From anyone and everyone. There is NO WAY any one else has ever felt as badly as I do in this moment. It's not possible. (See Rougie’s lessons learned about being sick.)

So, I slept. I slept ALL day. My wonderful sister brought over seltzer tonic water (it was supposed to be seltzer), krispy kreme doughnuts (surprisingly easy on the digestive system) and McDonald's french fries. Mickey D's french fries are my magic cure all when I am sick. This may sound crazy when your stomach is upset, but I like to feed a sickness and is usually works. Note, I said "usually!" Not this time, I couldn't eat the fries...or the doughnuts. It was back to the popsicles for me!